Viking Celebrations

We’re well into our Month of Family Celebrations now – between February 14th and March 14th we have Valentine’s Day, JSR’s birthday, our wedding anniversary, my birthday, and finally Willow’s birthday.

We usually bundle the occasions into one or two dinners out and only give presents for the birthdays, so I was superbly surprised when JSR gave me a huge box of Valentine’s chocolates last Tuesday. HUGE! Like a hat box, but full of chocolate! It lasted until this morning, which tells you a lot about the heft, as I can make chocolate disappear like a magician ;)

Then came JSR’s birthday, for which I stealthily crocheted a set of father-and-daughter Viking hats.

Viking Hats

It took a couple of late nights crafting after he had gone to bed, but absolutely worthwhile. Look how great they are!

I used the Lael Viking Helmet pattern from mamachee on Etsy which has lovely built-in detailing and was a pleasure to work – full technical details are on my Ravelry project page.

Viking Hats

During the photo shoot Willow leaned in for a kiss. AW! HEART MELTING! She’s fond of kisses at the moment, usually accompanied by a long, exaggerated MMMMMMMMMMMM-WAH! noise and a very firm grip on your face. It’s darling, I can’t get enough.

Beach Baby W’illow

Willow and I spent last weekend in Whangamata with Mum and Coco-the-dog. To be honest I spent a lot of the time lounging about reading and taking naps – I hate the sun! – but Mum and Wil did lots of splashy water play and sandy beach play and doggy ball games and playground jaunts.

Willow in Whangamata

Willow in Whangamata

Willow in Whangamata

Babies in elephant-print ruffled swimming togs: TOO CUTE.

Today is JSR’s second day of a new job. He hasn’t been working since a prolonged illness last September, and Willow and I have loved having him home so much, but of course months without income have been stressful. His first day seemed to go well, and I really hope he enjoys the work.

I decided this was a good opportunity to reboot my daily schedule, so now we are all getting up with JSR’s alarm at 7.30am, as opposed to the, er, 10-11am rising Willow and I have been doing lately. We’ll have to see how this changes her sleep times, but I’m hoping for either a return to afternoon naps or an earlier bedtime. I know a time shift doesn’t really affect how many hours I have in the day, but I do feel much more productive when I get through all the laundry and chores before lunchtime!

W'illow sleeve

I cast on for another toddler sweater this morning. I’m making Knitty pattern L’illo for Willow in a bright red wool. Perhaps I will call it W’illow! It’s quite a complex textured saddle-shoulder cardigan and I’m looking forward to the challenge. So far I’ve just got a little piece of sleeve but the stitch patterns are fun already. The only change I plan to make to the pattern is an alteration to the grafting at the centre back, since the half-stitch jog in alignment is rather obvious and looks sloppy to my eyes. I’ll see what other kind of join I can make when I get there – either a tidy seam, or a little strip of stockinette which will graft neatly.

Sculpture in the Gardens

Today we visited the Auckland Botanic Gardens to celebrate my mum’s birthday tomorrow. (She will be 60! But my mum is so young!)

The Gardens are currently running an outdoor sculpture exhibition, with 21 artworks scattered through the grounds and a 2km walking trail to see them all, which made a lovely afternoon walk after having lunch in the cafe.

Mum and Willow

To be honest, I did not think much of many of the sculptures. I’m not an expert about contemporary art by any means, but I do often come across pieces that speak to me, so I wouldn’t consider myself unable to appreciate it! Nevertheless, there were only a couple of sculptures that I found interesting. The one Mum and Willow are looking at above – made of hub caps, leis and cable ties – was not one of them, but I guess it’s pretty enough.

I really enjoyed looking at the plants and trees in the gardens though, and will have to go back and do that more often. They have specific sections with specimens that grow well in Auckland, which is useful for planning our garden at home, as well as annuals and perennials and natives and a rock garden and lots of beautiful stuff, including this mummy duck and her eleven fluffy ducklings.

Ducklings at the Botanic Gardens

Willow likes rocks

Willow was mostly interested in the different kinds of gravel and rocks. She plays with the round river stones in our backyard every day, and seemed a little peeved that these ones were anchored down.

My dad and Willow

Willow walking with my Dad.

Family at the Botanic Gardens

My grandfather Poppa, Willow, Mum, and family friend Mary.

We were all tired after the gardens, thanks to wonky sleep schedules and a waking-in-the-night Willow, so after we came home there were naps for everyone. Then a quiet evening with some knitting, stories with Willow, and finally a little spell of video gaming with JSR. A very good day, which I rather needed after this last week.

Speaking of knitting, tomorrow I’ll show you what I knitted Mum for her birthday present :)

Zealong Adventure

Yesterday morning Willow woke at 5.30am. I know, I know, your baby gets you up early every morning, but that was three hours ahead of our usual schedule and I was correspondingly shorted on sleep. I spent the first half hour thinking she would go back to bed if I applied enough cuddles and lullabies, and when that failed I grudgingly started the day in a semi-comatose state. By 11am I was incoherent with exhaustion, so I made JSR get up and flopped back into bed.

At 12.30pm JSR woke me up again. “You should fix your hair”, he said. “Why, do we have visitors here?” I asked while stumbling to the mirror and trying to hide the fact that I hadn’t washed my hair that morning. “No, no visitors! By the way, if you were going out, is that what you would be wearing?”. At this point it was obvious there was some plan afoot, but he would say no more until a couple of minutes later the doorbell rang and our friend Rochelle appeared. I said goodbye to JSR and Willow, still rather suspicious of the whole business, and Rochelle and I joined Rob and Nat in the car outside.

We drove south, south, south to our destination, the Zealong Tea Estate in Gordonton. I didn’t even know New Zealand had a tea farm, but we do, and my friends had booked us on their Tea Tour. Our guide took us along a tea walk telling us about oolong tea and the estate, before we watched some videos of their tea production, observed a tea ceremony, and tasted the three types of oolong tea Zealong produces.

We then had high tea, accompanied by more cups of oolong:

Zealong high tea
Apologies for the cellphone photos in this entry, I didn’t have my camera.

Not a traditional high tea, that’s for sure! The savoury options were all okay but the sweets were frankly quite regrettable, with the exception of the chocolate mousse. However, as a nibble-a-holic I enjoy pretty much any occasion where I get to eat tiny bites of different foods ;)

The visit was a lot of fun, particularly as a surprise on a day where my other plans amounted to scrubbing milk out of the carpet and perhaps playing some video games. I have brilliant friends – and a husband who is good at keeping secrets, as apparently this has been planned for a long time!

Our day wasn’t done after Zealong, as we also visited Candyland (strange place, “candy mausoleum” declared Rob), the Pokeno Bacon store, and then Giapo!

Oiled chicken feet
I brought back the weirdest candy I could find at Candyland for JSR. Actually they are quite yummy, though you’d better believe we have been making them dance around while singing Happy Feet before eating each one.

Giapo Beetroot & Rosemary gelato
This is actually Rochelle’s tub of Giapo, as I wanted to show you the brilliant colour of the Beetroot & Rosemary flavour. I went with more pedestrian choices, Blueberry Muffin and White Chocolate & Coconut.

Finally we picked up some additional dinner supplies, and came back to our house to have a late dinner with JSR. Willow was already in bed, but I got to see her when she woke up for a little while. Lovely lovely friends-and-food-filled day!

Changes

I made the announcement last night that I’ll be putting Nut and Bee aside for a significant hiatus – at least six months, could easily be a year or more. The decision itself was quite sudden, but I’ve been working up to it for months, and being counseled by my doctor yesterday I finally admitted that the half-pie job I’ve been managing to do recently is causing more problems than it’s worth. I’ve been shortchanging Willow and JSR, and not giving myself a chance to recover from the depression that is still such an issue. I’ll have plenty of time in the future to work, but I will never get these few years of nurturing a little person again.

The emotions are complicated. I was very determined to keep working, so I feel disappointed that I can’t manage, but also immensely relieved that I won’t be torn in two directions any more, and excited at the prospect of having more quality time with my sweet chicken nugget. On a more introspective level I’ve realised that Nut and Bee has become a huge part of how I define myself, and without it I don’t really know what I’m about – but that too offers the tantalising possibility of forging a new path.

So what now?

Most importantly, I can give Willow as much attention and love as she can soak up, and spend more time teaching her about the world as she grows. She has decided she doesn’t need to nap any more, so that’s 13 hours a day I need to keep her busy and happy, a more-than-full-time job on its own ;) I’m going to look more closely for playgroups and other activities within walking distance of our house, even though other mothers (button-eyes, in JSR’s parlance) terrify me. Otherwise we’ll be doing a lot more exploring and adventuring on our own, and I’m really looking forward to having the time and energy for more involved and varied play.

Nut and Bee hasn’t been making a lot of money recently, but there will still be a drop in our household income, so I’m aiming to be more frugal as partial compensation. Being in the kitchen is one household activity Willow doesn’t interfere with too much, as she loves to ‘help’ with her own bowls and spoons, and I’m sure I can save on our food bills by taking fewer shortcuts with processed and prepared foods. I’m also keen to be more conscious of repairing and reusing, and putting in more effort to save money and reduce waste.

I’m really looking forward to using any free time I do get to explore my creativity more widely and more experimentally, without the pressure of having to be productive. It was hard to justify spending a few hours playing with a new technique when that few hours was my entire work time for a week, but now I will be able to go nuts without fear of ‘wasting time’. I’ll post anything I do that turns out well! I have high hopes that this will bring a fresh perspective and new skills when I return to work.

Plus, of course, keep reading and crocheting and knitting and doing cryptic crosswords and snuggling my handsome sea captain… I’m not short of ways to occupy myself, that’s for sure ;)

Our eventual plan is to look at part-time child care options when Willow is a little bit older. There’s a well-reviewed centre very close to us that takes kids from age 2 upwards, so we will try that next year. If it goes well she can attend a couple of days a week, and I’ll start N&B up again. If not, we can explore kindergartens and preschools and other options, and there’s always primary school at the end of the road!

Huge thanks to JSR of course, for taking on the responsibility of looking after our family and making this a feasible option! Hopefully he’ll end up with a less miserable wife. I really haven’t been right for so long now.

This next week promises to be very (VERY) busy as I accept final orders, but I can push through knowing I’ve made the right decision.

Rhubarb, Gardening and the Beañorita

JSR is sickly again, poor guy. He’s been having a hard time this winter :( I am providing hot drinks and pills and sympathetic looks, and generally feeling a bit useless because there’s not a lot you can do to help a head-and-sinus cold.

The silver lining for me is that I get to use the car during the day, an unexpected freedom. Yesterday I went on a mega-errand-run and took care of lots of little bits and pieces, culminating in a trip to the garden centre for rhubarb! I’ve been obsessed with rhubarb since I bought a pottle of Anathoth Rhubarb and Red Berry Jam, which is absolutely delicious. The supermarket charges 50-60c a stalk even when rhubarb is in season (outrageous!) so I hope my plants take off. They look a bit spindly at the moment but will hopefully be productive next year. I remember my parents’ rhubarb looking like this when I was a child, huge sprays of lush stalks all ready for cakes and crumbles:

Rhubarb
By Flora Doehler, on Flickr

Of course I didn’t just buy rhubarb! Buoyed by the success of getting all of my previous plantings through the winter, I picked out a few more to round out the bed I’ve been working on.

I chose a daphne bush (Daphne odora ‘Leucanthe’) for lovely smells:

Daphne (沈丁花) #1168
By Nemo’s great uncle, on Flickr

Some hen and chicken ferns (Asplenium bulbiferum) to fill in shady spots at the back of the bed:

Asplenium bulbiferum
By meccanohig, on Flickr

And two pretty fuchsias, Harry Gray and White Phenomenal. I couldn’t find good photos of them, but Harry Gray is solid pale pink with creamy buds, and White Phenomenal has a raspberry skirt with white underpants. (I’m not the only person who sees the flowers as fancy outfits, right?!) I have a feeling fuchsias might be unfashionable and mock-worthy at the moment but I care not, I have a fondness for them :)

I’m ready to move onto another garden bed now. I’m glad I’m doing this one step at a time, as it makes the tough bits much more approachable and spreads out the cost too. The next bit involves reclaiming an area of lawn and moving some pavers! Next fine day I will get out there and start lifting turf.

Willow is 18 months old today. She hops in her own high chair when asked, says NUM! NUM! when she likes food and spoons and forks like a champ; she can swipe to unlock an iPad or iPhone and turn on the picture slideshow and mp3 player; she dances to any music, especially the Antiques Roadshow theme song; she loves to push our index fingers and the ends of cables together; she adores the cats and her face lights up whenever she sees one; she demands a little hand cream whenever she sees me using it and rubs her hands together with glee; she leafs through her books and reads them out loud in her babbling mystery language; she likes being outside and taking little walks down the street and across to the reserve, where we gambol in the grass and kick a ball around and explore the mud; she knows lots of parts of the body and loves to press noses (hers, ours, anyone’s) to which we must say BEEP! BEEP!; she gives kisses and squeezes and combs my hair; she has also started to throw little tantrums but let’s ignore that part for now! It’s still hard to believe we made such a lovely little person.

Underpants and Rascals

Sure enough, my haircut looks very different when air-dried and un-styled, but I actually like it more.

Haircut 2

Please excuse my jimmerjammers in that photo, it was taken on Friday when I couldn’t get dressed until the laundry had washed and dried because I had no clean underwear. That was the third time recently I’d had to choose between not dressing, stealing JSR’s pants, or going without. Despite trying to hold out on shopping I decided enough was enough and ordered a trio of Thunderpants. $25/pant is expensive, but they’re twice as comfortable and last three times as long as conventional underwear, so it works out in the end.

I did not catch Royal Wedding fever, my interest before the event stretching only to the mildest curiosity about the dress Kate would wear, but I tuned in to a few minutes of the YouTube broadcast when Twitter indicated she was about to arrive at the church, and have to admit I felt some warm fuzzies when I saw how happy William and Kate both looked. My hope for them is the same as for any newlyweds – that their love is good and true, and that they can weather whatever life throws at them.

And I liked the dress!

Willow has started being rather cheeky lately. When she touches something she shouldn’t and we say NO! she will look us right in the eye, reach out and touch it again with a defiant look on her little face, and often a hearty chuckle as well. She also loves to repeatedly touch a surface near the forbidden object, maintaining eye contact all the while, as if to say “I’m not touching it, you can’t tell me off for this, I win!”.

It reminds me very much of her father, who is a stubborn fellow with a natural instinct to do the exact opposite of what he’s told. I can sense we’re going to have some… fun… in the coming years. I was a timid and obedient child so I have no insight into the mind of a little rascal – though I guess I do have some experience with JSR :D

Broccoli

Me: “Remind me that we need to stop for broccoli on the way home.”

JSR: “Broccoli?”

Me: “Yep.”

JSR: [long pause] “I am trying to figure out what that is code for.”

Me: “Dude, a head of broccoli, the vegetable.”

JSR: “Oh! You actually want broccoli. I was thinking, what does broccoli rhyme with that you might want to buy… Monopoly?”

I guess I should probably cook vegetables a little more often…

Babies love iPhones

Lots more social times recently! Mary and Soames came over to play Rock Band on Sunday, Megan and Danielle and Bobby visited Monday, and last night we went out to Satya with Caycos and Fishie and Muggins. It’s almost like before we had a baby! But better, because we also have a baby.

Side note: I often have a hard time deciding what name to use for people. There are lots of folks who I associate with their nickname, even if I’ve known them for years. Occasionally this leads to a conversational fumble where someone will be talking about an unknown guy named Mark, and it takes a long time to twig that they mean good old MrSpookyDoomPants! (Though I made that example up, I no longer hang out in the gothic newsgroups so having a friend called MrSpookyDoomPants is not likely.) This came to a head when we were putting together our wedding invitations, and had to do an embarrassing amount of facebook snooping to come up with everyone’s full name… anyway, I could have said we had dinner with Catherine and Andrea and Colin but that just sounds weird!

Bringing Willow together with another baby is always amusing. Her social technique is based on full body contact and tends to be a little overwhelming for the recipient… She and Bobby are only a few days apart in age so they’re at very similar stages, and both very keen on iPhones as it turns out. Ah, the irresistible lure of Apple products. We had four for them to choose from, but they definitely preferred Danielle and Megan’s chewable rubbery cases.

Willow and Bobby

Willow nomming iPhone

JSR also brought some flip-around-and-raspberry action, which always goes down a treat. I don’t get to take many photos of him with Willow because he rarely wears a shirt around the house, so I treasure each one!

Willow and JSR

I finished my annual accounts for N&B yesterday, having lots of fun with spreadsheets and fixed asset registers and depreciation. (I genuinely do find that stuff quite enjoyable.) The numbers are a little bleak, though the silver lining is I don’t have very much tax to pay, ha ha! I’ve been getting into some good work routines lately so I’m hopeful that this financial year will pick up a little. I’m still getting hammered by the exchange rate, but as I cannot change that I have a firm policy of not worrying about it too much. I sometimes envy the regularly-salaried, but this is a much better life for me, so I just have to make it work.

Quiet

I have a number of friends and acquaintances with babies of a similar age to Willow, and recently several of them have been expressing plans for another child. Their excitement and anticipation is a joy, but also reminds me how different from normal our experience must have been. I love Willow madly, but our bond was hard-won, and I cannot begin to fathom trying to do this again.

It might be different the second time, we might not find ourselves so lost, but I have absolutely no desire to find out, and fortunately JSR and I are in firm agreement. Even setting my depression aside I don’t think it would be a good idea, as we both need a lot of quiet time and have little patience for the tumult that would come with a larger household. Lest anyone ask why we had a baby in the first place, my need was so strong that not doing it was not an option. But those feelings have been fulfilled, and show no sign of returning. Stigma about only children be darned – JSR is one, I was raised as one, and we turned out fine. We’ll be a little family of three, and I will satisfy any further need for babycuddles with all your new additions ;)

I am happy that I can talk about this without being upset, because that would not have been the case nine months ago, when I was regularly reduced to tears by any mention of enjoyment of motherhood. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I’m recovering.

Things have been quiet this week as I’ve been laid low with a cold. A sneeze or two on Wednesday afternoon turned into head-of-exploding-demon-goop by evening, followed by a couple of days of sniffling, hoarse lethargy.

Cold medication relieves the pressure but gives me vivid dreams, most of which are quite unpleasant, with the exception of a romp where Anita Blake, Fictional Vampire Hunter and Amanda Palmer, Real Life Rock Star were conflated into one supernatural artistic dynamo. JSR said “I’d watch that show!” and I would too.

Seriously, what’s with those Anita Blake books? I picked up the first one looking for some light reading, and it was so bad I ended up skimming only the first and last paragraphs of each chapter to get through it quickly. After mocking on Twitter I was told the series improved from book #10, so I gave that a try, and now I’m nearly done with #12 and have #13 on my reserve list from the library. They are RIDICULOUS – every one of Anita’s problems can be solved deus ex machina by having sex with one or more of an increasing list of vampires, wereleopards and werewolves – but I’m invested in the characters now. Perhaps it will get boring after a few more volumes. Oh well, at least I’m not reading Twilight ;)